monday night

was wonderful. We went to dinner then got starbucks and walked around LaGrange. It was so pretty and Christmas-y.

blessings

1. Peanut getting all cozy between my shoulders and the seat and being comfy when we went for a drive.

2. Beautiful new Star themed Christmas tree. American Sales makes me happy.

3. Seeing all the smoke coming out of the chimneys of the houses while it was snowing.

4. Seeing all the brightly lit trees along the highway covered lightly with snow.

I really do love the Christmas season. So many times I have been a humbug during this time. Yesterday on a radio show, the guy was talking about not being into it. He said it's just one day. He thinks all the "days of Christmas" are too much. He said maybe it's romantic to couples who are in love.

guy: "Here's your Seven lords a-leaping. I love you"
girl: "I love you, too"

There is no denying to myelf now that no matter the current dating situation that it is a season of warmth, love, sharing and beauty. I will always treasure it, no more humbug for me. Christmas miracles happen.

AND I am looking forward to midnight mass this year. Again in years past, I was so sad and lonely or just wouldn't pay attention. This year I feel closest to God than I have in a long time. I will be listening and feeling with my heart.

lost post

just wrote out the whole ugly truth and I lost it when going to post.

It hurt to write it. I wanted to re-read it. It was meant to disappear into the abyss.

It hurts to pretend everything is alright and normal when he knows I'm suspecting and I'm postive that I'm right.

the title of the lost post was "one day I'll love myself enough to let him go"