Wedding daydreams

Since I have been scouring the wedding sites, helping my cousin with her wedding, it's hard not to think what I would pick.

I would do the beach wedding with the strapless white summer dress from JCrew and walk down the aisle to "you're so cool" the first song on the True Romance soundtrack. I think I would pick that to walk back down together.

monday night

was wonderful. We went to dinner then got starbucks and walked around LaGrange. It was so pretty and Christmas-y.

blessings

1. Peanut getting all cozy between my shoulders and the seat and being comfy when we went for a drive.

2. Beautiful new Star themed Christmas tree. American Sales makes me happy.

3. Seeing all the smoke coming out of the chimneys of the houses while it was snowing.

4. Seeing all the brightly lit trees along the highway covered lightly with snow.

I really do love the Christmas season. So many times I have been a humbug during this time. Yesterday on a radio show, the guy was talking about not being into it. He said it's just one day. He thinks all the "days of Christmas" are too much. He said maybe it's romantic to couples who are in love.

guy: "Here's your Seven lords a-leaping. I love you"
girl: "I love you, too"

There is no denying to myelf now that no matter the current dating situation that it is a season of warmth, love, sharing and beauty. I will always treasure it, no more humbug for me. Christmas miracles happen.

AND I am looking forward to midnight mass this year. Again in years past, I was so sad and lonely or just wouldn't pay attention. This year I feel closest to God than I have in a long time. I will be listening and feeling with my heart.

lost post

just wrote out the whole ugly truth and I lost it when going to post.

It hurt to write it. I wanted to re-read it. It was meant to disappear into the abyss.

It hurts to pretend everything is alright and normal when he knows I'm suspecting and I'm postive that I'm right.

the title of the lost post was "one day I'll love myself enough to let him go"

Growing up or just getting older?

I can't tell. Here is a list of things that I like doing/ currently make me happy.

1. Peanut
2. catching up with my friends on the phone
3. working out [with a friend]
4. coffee with a friend
5. coffee with John in the morning
5. getting in pajamas and watching tv [giggling while doing so usually after midnight]
6. not smoking
7. being sober
8. or sometimes just having a couple
9. good tequila
10. good food [helping make it]
11. counting my blessings
12. Joel Osteen
13. Martha Stewart
14. yep, sometimes Oprah
15. Style network
16. wedding/makeover shows
17. shopping [including window and online]
18. shows, concerts
19. family [mine and his]

to be continued

My Birthday

I had a quiet birthday on Wednesday. I got my eyebrows done and then went to work out with Charity. We went and had a beverage at Subway and talked after. Mom, dad, me and Peanut went to get Portillos. After we had my favorite strawberry cake from Jewel.

I went back over to John's. I was lucky to get the Joel Osteen book on tape a few days before and have been listening to that in the car. We went shopping to get the ingredients for Black Bean Soup in the crockpot.

I heard from John's mom and the baby, Aunt Branda and Tabaitha, Charity, Katirose, my grandpa, my cousin Ashley, my Aunt carlene, Gramma Rita, my Aunt Millie, and Uncle Jim. (and Mom, dad, and Brian.)

On Thursday, we ate the delicious Black Bean soup and Blue Jalepeno cornbread that John made. SO, so good. He left a card on my side of the bed. It made me cry.

Friday, we went to his mom's for a little get together and dinner. Then they had a little surprise cake and presents for me. (I cried again.)

Birthday's past that I can remeber include:
2004 "27" John and myself saw the Pixies.
2003 "26" The Lodge with shauna & group and then out to Howl at the Moon and Cleo's with Katirose & group
2002 "25" Monika, Steffanie, Katirose at Betty's Blue Star
2001 "24" dinner at some steak house with people who I do not talk to anymore.
2000 "23" Red No. 5 with a huge bunch of friends
1999 "22" bar in Joliet with friends
1998 "21" Charity, Kady gay bars downtown
1997 "20"
1996 "19"
1995 "18" Playing outside at Arizona State University
1994 "17" Dinner at Chi-chis with many friends
1993 "16" Suprise birthday party

I can fly!

I had a dream last night that I could fly. I took a running start off a building and I was flying. I felt so carefree. I also knew that I was dreaming. I saw a couple other people flying around. I could also swim and breathe underwater and touch the bottom of a deep pool.

From dreammoods.com

flying dreams


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flyingintro
"I'm Flying"

Flying dreams fall under a category of dreams where you become aware that you are dreaming, known as lucid dreaming. Many dreamers have described the ability to fly in their dreams as an exhilarating, joyful, and liberating experience.

If you are flying with ease and enjoying the scene and landscape below, then it suggests that you are on top of a situation. You have risen above something. It may also mean that you have gained a different perspective on things. Flying dreams and the ability to control your flight is representative of your own personal sense of power.

Having difficulties staying in flight indicates a lack of power in controlling your own circumstances. You may be struggling to stay aloft and stay on course. Things like power lines, trees, or mountains may further obstruct your flight. These barriers represent a particular obstacle or person who is standing in your way in your waking life. You need to identify who or what is hindering you from moving forward.

If you are feeling fear when you are flying or that you feel that you are flying too high, then it suggests that you are afraid of challenges and of success.

In reality, we do not have the ability to fly. Thus such dreams may represent that which is beyond our physical limitations. In your mind, you can be anybody and do anything. Another way of interpreting flying dreams is that these dreams symbolize your strong mind and will. You feel undefeatable and nobody can tell you what you cannot do and accomplish. Undoubtedly these dreams leave you a great sense of freedom.